He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize