you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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