like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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