He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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