I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize