wakey wakey hands off snakey
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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