he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
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Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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