The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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