the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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