Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize