you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
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