Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
why is half of my head shaved?
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