i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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