3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
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