i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
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Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
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Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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