I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize