I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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