my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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