I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
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Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
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That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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