How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
smell my finger.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
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They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
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Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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