you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
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he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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