He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
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He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
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He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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