The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
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My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Randomize