She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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