I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
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Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
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I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
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