just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize