I want to have your abortion
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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