my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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