I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
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They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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