he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
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And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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