she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
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No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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