Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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