capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
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I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
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Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
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