Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
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It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
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Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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