He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
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That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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