I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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