she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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