I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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