I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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