I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
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At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize