hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
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i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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