Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
organizing the empties. That sober.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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