I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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