Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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