I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize