just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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