textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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