jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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