So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
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Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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