i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
ugly people sure do ruin things
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
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